35+ Hilarious Tweets About What It’s Really Like Being a Woman Today

Every woman has been called “crazy” at least once. When a man has an outburst of emotion, he’s “passionate” but when a woman does it, she’s “crazy.” Then, there are those guys who claim that they always end up dating women who are insane.

Well, if every single one of the women you dated turned out to be nuts, what’s the common denominator here? You. Chances, are they weren’t “crazy” when you met them, but after a few dates with you, they might be crazy now.

Few things can compare to that fresh feeling of having smooth skin after previously resembling a small forest. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with letting your hair grow out but, for those women who aren’t used to having au natural legs, there’s something very satisfying about getting a long-overdue shave in.

Want to upgrade that silky feeling even more? Put some fresh sheets on your bed for after your shave and shower. You can thank us later.

One of the most frustrating things about womanhood is people think that they can blame everything on your monthly visitor. Whether it’s a physical or emotional issue, there’s always someone who chalks it up to hormones.

Upset over something your significant other did? “You probably just need some chocolate.” Feeling sick enough to go to the hospital? “Nah, it’s just cramps.” Tired of not having your perfectly legitimate concerns taken seriously? “Pffft, women are so emotional!”

There are so many tricks that we try to play on ourselves for the sake of being better, healthier adults. One of those tricks is the dieting hack of simply not buying unhealthy foods, so they won’t be in the house when you crave them.

Whoever thought this hack would stop us from fulfilling a craving, sorely underestimated our love for chips! If you see us wandering around the gas station at 2:00 am in pajamas, buying snacks, you know what happened…

Unfortunately, society tends to teach girls that everything has to be about their looks. Meanwhile, boys are taught that their appearance should come secondary to other endeavors. What about the little boys who want to experiment with makeup? Or the young girls who want to be scientists?

What would happen if there were no “girls” and “boys” magazines and all magazines had both types of content? We’d probably all be super successful, on our way to running the world — and we’d look good while doing it!

When it comes to women and glamming up, it’s a bit of a “damned if you do, damned if you don’t” situation. You can get ridiculed for spending time, money, and energy on your appearance. Or, you can get asked why you don’t look as put-together or as glamorous as other women.

Basically, you can’t really win. Whether you decide to go with a bare face, a full face of makeup, or the “no-makeup” makeup look, just make sure that you’re doing it for yourself and no one else.

If we had the unearned confidence of a white, straight cis man, we’d have taken over the world by now! The audacity of this guy is so impressive, we almost forgot to be offended!

What would the world be like if little girls were taught to just boldly ask for whatever they wanted as if the world owed it to them? We can’t even blame this guy, we’re too busy being envious. After all, he can’t say he didn’t try…

If wearing makeup is a lie about how attractive a woman is, then men growing out their beards is deceitful too. It’s incredible how much guys can change their level of hotness by altering their facial hair. So, what’s wrong with women altering a few things through makeup?

When guys tell us that they can’t tell what a woman really looks like without her makeup, all we hear is that he’s never had a woman sleep over before. We can see why that would be the case…

Let’s be honest — we all have egos about certain things, regardless of gender. There are women who like to take a lot of selfies, post them on social media, and bathe in the glow of all the “likes.” What’s wrong with that?

Meanwhile, there are men who name every single one of their offspring after themselves. There’s nothing wrong with that either, but let’s not mistake it for modesty. How about we all just live and let live, rather than judge each other for whatever gives us a confidence boost?

A lot of research has been done to try and understand why women are so compelled by this genre. One explanation is that it serves as an outlet for emotions like fear and rage.

Another theory is that women tend to be empathetic, making criminals’ backstories more interesting to them. Either way, we fully admit that our love of true crime shows has made us question our life choices… on more than one occasion.

Sometimes, being a woman can feel like fighting the same battle over and over again. While society has made a lot of progress with women’s rights, there are some issues our grandmothers had to fight that we’re still dealing with.

In fact, recent events make it seem like we’re going backward, as a lot of what the generations before us have worked for is being undone! *Sigh* We’ll see you in another 20 years… to address the exact same issues… all over again.

We’ve all seen the articles about the thing we should, or shouldn’t, wear. The makeup tips that are meant to change our lives. Or what amount of skin is deemed just the right amount to show. It’s truly exhausting!

The reality is that the most beautiful people (regardless of gender) are the ones who do their own thing and don’t worry about how society says they should look. Want to lose 20 pounds quickly? Drop everyone else’s baggage that you’ve been carrying around!

For all the men who felt violated by U2 forcing their music into your phones, we have some questions for you. For one, did you explicitly tell U2 that you don’t want their music?

Are you sure they heard you? You have other music on your phone, so how were U2 supposed to know that you didn’t want their music, too? Are you sure you didn’t just download their music and then regret it? After all, you did go out and buy that fancy iPhone, so we can see how they’d be tempted…

Well, we have to give it up to NASA — at least they tried! We appreciate their care and concern for their first female astronaut. We can only imagine Sally Ride struggling to hold back her laughter when they posed this question.

Now that NASA has mastered outer space, we recommend that they take a quick biology lesson. These are some of America’s sharpest minds, after all! If they can learn how to put a man on the moon, they can try to comprehend how a woman’s monthly cycle works.

Why do men send women unsolicited pictures of their bodies? Has that ever in the history of photos ever worked??? What do they think will happen? They’ll send a picture of their package and the woman will respond, “Oooh, where are you? I want to come touch it!”

Yeah, something tells us that’s never going to happen. Just like with the “gifts” our cats bring us, those unwanted photos will get thrown out, and then we’ll call our friends to have a laugh at your expense.

There are three parts to any workout. No, we’re not talking about the warm-up, workout, and cool-down — we’re talking about the three parts of dealing with workout clothes. There’s getting the sports bra on, adjusting it all throughout the workout itself, and then wrestling the sweaty sports bra off of your body when you’re finished exercising.

It’s basically a workout within a workout! Whoever says women don’t have upper body strength has clearly never seen one untangle a sweat-soaked bra.

The Spice Girls literally said, “I’ll tell you what I want, what I really, really want.” Unfortunately, the Backstreet Boys stepped in with “I want it that way.” Aaaaaand, that’s pretty much how these conversations go. Women really aren’t that complicated — they pretty much just want gender equality.

Hollywood will give women a female superhero (which is great) but still refuse to cast any actress over the age of 40, and then wonder why women are still upset. Just let us know when you’re ready to listen…

Isn’t it interesting how society acts like getting pregnant is a one-person act? Women are expected to assume all the responsibility, and single-handedly deal with all the consequences of the actions of two people.

Women are in charge of pregnancy prevention, they get all the stigma in the case of an accidental pregnancy, and they’re the ones who have to take care of the baby. Maybe women should try to figure out how to get pregnant without men, after all?

The female body is a beautiful and glorious thing! That being said, it sometimes just does its own thing with zero regards for what else is going on. Your monthly visitor can arrive extremely early — or late.

You can have a flat stomach one minute but feel extremely bloated the next. Maybe you crave random foods for no apparent reason. You can even get stretch marks appearing in inexplicable places. Ah, the mysteries of the human body!

Yeah… any history buff could tell you — pretty much all the drama was started by men. Women may start drama on reality shows or whatever (which are largely scripted anyway) but when men start drama, it puts people’s lives at stake!

Sure, hanging out with one of the Real Housewives may result in someone chucking a drink but that’s a lot better than throwing a punch, isn’t it? We know which form of drama we’d prefer!

Nothing can ruin your confidence like seeing your stomach when you sit down. No matter how fit you are, everyone always has some rolls, it’s just the way stomachs are built.

Still, though, knowing that doesn’t always help when you’re standing in your crop top and feeling confident. Then, you bend down to put on your shoes and immediately decide that you need to change your shirt. *Sigh* Maybe crop tops are meant to be strictly for standing events.

We’re not really sure what fashion designer decided that baby clothes would make a great clubbing outfit but we’d like to have a word with them! Anyone who’s made the mistake of wearing a romper on a night of drinking knows that feeling of regret in an outfit choice.

Clumsily fighting a romper off your body — in a public bathroom — will be enough to make you never want to wear one of those again!

One of the (many) incredibly powerful things some women can do is to create another human being. It must be a pretty cool feeling when you’re in a room and realize that you’ve personally made a happy home for everyone present.

And no, when we say “happy home,” we’re not referring to the living room of your house. We have no doubt that the OP was feeling absolutely god-like — as she very well should!

Society is so strict with what women’s bodies should look like that no matter how gorgeous someone is, it’s pretty hard not to break down crying when trying on a bathing suit.

We all kind of agreed that the “dad bod” can be hot, so why don’t we embrace the “mom bod” as well? The next time you’re trying on a swimsuit, just remember — a bikini body is a body with a bikini on it!

Ah, womanhood, it’s all about being criticized for being anything short of perfect while men get applauded for doing the bare minimum. A mother braids her daughter’s hair every day and no one notices.

A father braids his daughter’s hair once and goes viral on Instagram. Men go to work after an injury and everyone’s impressed. Women go to work in their third trimester of pregnancy and no one bats an eye. So yeah, this newspaper clipping pretty much sums it up.

Dear clothing companies — women want pockets, too! Even babies’ clothes have pockets and they don’t have anything to carry! It’s already annoying that women’s clothes often don’t have pockets but then there are those fashion companies that try to deceive customers.

Making someone think they have a pocket, just to find out that it’s fake is a pretty cruel way to trick someone. Furthermore, what’s the point? Why not just add the pocket?!

The whole concept of various religions kind of makes sense now! Ever had an idea stolen from you by a male coworker? Ever had someone mansplain your own words to you? Now, you know how god must have felt!

God is a woman, she said what she wanted to say, and then everyone interpreted her words in their own way — and that’s how we have multiple versions and religions. After all, Ariana Grande says, “When all is said and done, you’ll believe God is a woman.” She was right.

Sometimes, you can see that someone’s going through something and it’s probably best not to push their buttons. This was definitely one of those instances.

We’d also let her cut us in line — partly out of fear for our lives and partly because she was clearly in need of some ice cream… and STAT! After all, we’ve all been there at some point or another, so it’s important to be sympathetic when someone else is having a moment.

There are some women who like to wear bras, either for aesthetic reasons or for the comfort of keeping everything in a certain place. While there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that, it’s a shame how society wants every woman to believe that a bra is crucial in her life — even if she doesn’t want to wear one.

Similarly, some women want to have a man, and others would just rather be on their own. Both are perfectly acceptable options, regardless of what rom-coms may tell you.

There are certain things that we’re just inclined to lose, no matter what — bobby pins, scrunchies, patience for annoying creeps, and lip balm tubes. It seems that no matter what we do, we just can’t hold on to those things for very long.

To those incredible souls who actually manage to finish a tube of lip balm, we applaud you. Those are clearly the most responsible members of society and they should be the leaders of everything.

Dating can often feel like a walk in the park. That is, of course, if the park is on fire, your shoes are filled with rocks, and someone’s inexplicably showing you their junk.

Maybe that’s why love feels so great when we find it? We know that we’ve really earned it, so we appreciate it more. When on a bad date, just remember that there are plenty of other fish in the sea. Hopefully, fish that aren’t already in someone else’s net…

Can we all agree, as a society, to stop teaching young boys that “real” men are independent, know everything, and don’t need anyone? Really, what’s with guys and asking for directions?! Do they think their manhood will fall off if they admit they don’t know where they are?

While there are some men who will gladly learn a new skill from a woman, there are definitely those dudes who will mansplain the woman’s lesson back to her. For the sake of keeping their manhood attached, of course.

Women are often taught from a young age not to take up too much space in the world. For some reason, society has decided that being small, or dainty, equates to womanhood.

Therefore, women often shrink to the side when someone’s manspreading on public transportation. Or a girl will move out of the way if they see someone walking confidently in her direct path. Let’s normalize women taking up a typical human-sized amount of space. Make way for the matriarchy!

If a piece of clothing fits on a person’s body then, clearly, they’re “pulling it off.” It doesn’t need to fit perfectly, it doesn’t need to meet conventional beauty standards — it needs to be on the person’s body and they need to feel good in it.

That’s it. They’re pulling it off. Want to know what’s really hard to “pull off,” Karen? An unpleasant personality. So, maybe try stop wearing that for a while.

Dear men — nothing, and we mean nothing, is ever one-on-one between you and your girlfriend. Her best friends know everything… the good, the bad, and the freaky. We promise you that, although they’ve never seen it, her friends could pick your privates out of a lineup.

Don’t worry, they’ll help you out and remind her of all the good things you’ve done when she’s in a mood. However, if you mess up, they’ll know and may have all the ammo they need to take you down.

We all need some validation from time to time and loading the dishwasher properly can be tough! Part of being in a healthy relationship is making sure that your significant other feels complimented for a job well done.

This is especially true for straight women, as society can often make men feel like they should be naturally incompetent with household chores. With every compliment on a chore done correctly, women are slowly chipping away at the patriarchy.

This woman has got life figured out and we should all take a page out of her book! Seriously, it seems that she’s cracked the code to dating.

This is the perfect way to filter out potential dates to make sure they have the three things that are most important to you. Think about it — if you go for the pizza delivery guy and it still doesn’t work out, at least you got pizza!

The realities of married life can often be extremely confusing. We’ll absolutely love our partners to pieces one minute — while the next, you wonder why they even exist.

That’s why they say, marriage is finding that one special person who you just know you want to annoy for the rest of their life. Marriage is definitely a journey, and it’s not easy, but it is worth it… when they’re not snoring, that is.

Why can’t the world just accept that women can know about and enjoy things that may not be stereotypically feminine? Remember when Natalie Portman posted a photo of herself in a Star Wars shirt on Instagram?

Some guy, who clearly didn’t know who she was, commented that he doubts she’s even seen the movies. She was in the movies! *Sigh* This is the type of doubt and judgment that women have to deal with every day.

Is anyone else really sick of being told what does or doesn’t constitute a “real woman?” What is it even supposed to mean?! If we don’t act or look like a “real woman” is supposed to, then we’re just imaginary?

Furthermore, since when do random Chads get to dictate what a woman is or isn’t? Call us crazy, but we prefer to have our womanhood determined by someone who can at least find it during intimacy.

Sometimes, it can be really hard to understand just what you need at that moment. Our physical and mental needs aren’t necessarily aligned and we’re not always sure which one to go with.

For example, we may be emotionally in need of food but without being physically hungry. See the dilemma? While inconvenient at times, it can also be kind of fun! It’s like playing a guessing game of what will come next!

Adulting is hard! Adulting, as a woman, is even harder. It’s like playing a video game in difficult mode when you skipped the beginner’s level. Sometimes, you just need a moment to unwind — without any noise, without anyone needing anything from you, without worrying about your to-do list — even just a few minutes can make a big difference.

Some people achieve this by meditating, some have hobbies that their family knows not to interrupt, and some just lie in the dark in silence. Fair enough.

Anyone who’s seen literally any sitcom in the ‘90s is familiar with the schlubby guy with a gorgeous wife trope. While there’s absolutely nothing wrong with people dating someone out of their league, the fact that it works every time in movies and it’s always the woman who settled, well, it kind of sends the wrong message to young viewers.

We want to see a movie where the schlubby woman gets the hot guy! Haha, who are we kidding? Schlubby women aren’t allowed to play leading roles!

This woman is asking the important questions in life! We get it — sometimes, it’s nice to go out. Other times, though, you’re just really in the mood for a night of annoying your cat.

Not every day can be the most productive and it’s important to take that time to unwind and just be lazy. We’re not sure how the cat feels about it, though… Maybe the kitty is secretly hoping that its mom will go out so that he can yawn in peace.

How is this even possible?! Do women magically gain or lose weight between trying on pairs of jeans?! Seriously, the fact that clothing sizes are not regulated is a real issue.

A lot of women attach their self-esteem to their dress size, despite the fact that you can easily be a size two in one store and a size eight in another. So, don’t worry if you don’t fit into the “right” size jeans — it’s all made up anyway!