What are the few things that come to mind as soon as someone asks you to describe your partner? Tall, dark, handsome? Gorgeous, intelligent, kind? No, think a little deeper and note down your answers because we might have news for you that can blow your mind. Well, what if someone comes to you and tells you that people tend to find a partner that reminds them of their parents? No, don’t freak out. It’s not liking dating your parents – but their traits.
How Adults Shape the Picture
It’s the parents who create the first mental image of a partner in your mind. Their relationship helps you understand the difference between good and bad, safe and unsafe. In fact, the type of connection between your parents usually defines your adult commitments. If you’ve seen a secure parental couple all your life, then there are higher chances that you’ll also have someone of the same sort in the future. However, parents aren’t always the first impression! For instance, the neighbor that you felt more connected to than your own mother and father can be who you subconsciously model your required traits after. A child’s understanding of love, affection, attachment, and safety depends on the reflection of his parents’ partnership, says Christene Lozano, founder of Meraki Counselling.
Characteristics Visible in a Partner
As Lozano explains it, there’s a possibility that your partner might be similar to either of your parents or maybe both. In fact, it’s not always a parent. It can be a cousin, an aunt, grandparents, or siblings for that matter. Your partner might turn out to be whoever you feel most connected to and inspired by within your close relations. Here’s an example for better understanding: Suppose your mother is a working woman. Throughout your childhood, you’ve watched her work hard day and night in order to manage the office, home, you, and everything around her. If she’s been your guiding light, then you might end up with a better half who’s also hardworking, organized, and multi-talented – just like your mother.
Can This Have a Negative Impact?
Definitely! Just like a child picks up the good in his parents’ partnership, the reason behind his attachment issues later in life might also be because of the same. Not every couple is a happy couple. If he’s spent his childhood in an unbalanced home, it might be difficult for him to connect, commit, and feel secure around people in the future.